Up Against the Wall
by MyPassionateMusician
Summary: When Jude comes back from Asia, she finds that her best friend has died in a car crash. Soon, she starts to see his ghost everywhere, but no one believes her. Because of this, she is also pushing away Tommy. Does Jamie needs help, or does Jude?
1. Look out Below

Now, I know I was saying that I was going to do two stories called Remember When, and Aftershocks. Well, I am going to do both, but it'll be a little later on. I really wanted to write a season 4 fic, and I started to write today. I have no idea where I'm going with this. I have an idea, but I just really have no idea what I'm doing, so please forgive me right now. I just want to try this out.

The first chapter is kinda of...bleh...bare with me please!!

Disclaimer: I do not own Instant Star. All the titles are going to come from the song Up Against the Wall by Boys like Girls, unless otherwise told.

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Chapter 1: Look out Below 

Tommy and Jude opened the door to her house. Once inside, Jude dropped her backpack and took a deep breath. She turned to Tommy with a serious expression. "I am never—I repeat—_never_ going backpacking through any country ever again," she announced as she fell onto the couch. She sighed in content happy to feel something soft under her. Jude had chosen Tommy, and she knew it was the right thing. But, now she regretted taking him up on his offer to go through Asia with nothing but a backpack.

Tommy chuckled at her behavior and kissed her cheek. He made his way to the kitchen to make her some coffee. Tommy was so in love with this girl, words couldn't even describe it. Traveling through Thailand was rough, but also magical for him. He got to learn so much more about his girl. _His _girl; that felt so good to say. He smiled at her angelic face. He put some sugar and french vanilla cream in Jude's hot coffee. He placed the mug in front of her on the coffee table. Tommy saw Jude inhale. She put a smile on and fluttered her eyes open.

She smiled up at Tommy and took the mug. She sipped it slowly, careful not to burn her tongue. "Yum," she mumbled as she brought the mug back up to her lips. She the mug down as Tommy sat next to her. "So, what do we do now?" Tommy asked her.

"We sleep," Jude suggested.

"Sleep? But you slept the whole plane ride here." He said.

"Yea, but I haven't slept in a real bed all summer. I don't know about you Quincy, but I miss my bed."

They heard the doorbell ring and Jude grabbed her mug of coffee and went to open it. She swung open the door and Sadie was there with a smile on her face. "Sadie!" Jude squealed.

"Hi Jude!" Sadie squealed back. "You have no idea how much I missed you." Sadie hugged her little sister tightly. She had gone to Mexico with her boyfriend Kwest, and she had a wonderful time. Sadie walked in and saw Tommy sitting on the couch. She smiled at Jude and then at him. "See, I told you to follow your heart."

Jude giggled and her and Sadie sat on the couch next to Tommy. Since Jude picked Tommy, everything seemed to be going pretty good. There was just one thing she was worried about. She hadn't seen Jamie since that night he asked her to be a producer. She didn't know how she was going to deal with him.

After Sadie went to sleep and Tommy went home to unpack she decided to check on Jamie. Maybe it wouldn't be so bad. Maybe he would understand. Jude rolled her eyes at her thoughts. This was going to be a disaster and she knew it. She knocked on Jamie's door and she felt her heart beat a little faster. She was nervous, and she just hoped things wouldn't end badly. Nana had opened the door and looked at Jude with wide eyes. "Jude," she said. "I am so glad you're back."

"Thank you, Nana," Jude smiled. "It's good to see you too."

"Oh, Jude, you have missed a lot since you've been gone," she said sadly shaking her head.

Jude took a good look at her. Nana's eyes were red and puffy. She seemed even more weak than usual. "Are you okay?" Jude asked funny concerned.

Tears started to fall down the elderly woman's face. "It's Jamie dear," Nana said and put her head down.

Her heart skipped a bit and she forgot how to breathe. What could be wrong with Jamie? Was he sick? Did he get hurt? Jude tried to stay calm. She had to know what was happening. "What's wrong with Jamie?" Jude asked slowly.

"He has…passed on," Nana said.

Her heart had completely stopped beating. Tears were filling up her eyes and blurry her eyes. She blinked and the water escaped the brink of her eyelids. "How?" Jude choked out.

"It was a very rainy day. The roads were so slippery. His tires just gave out. He died last month."

"No!" She screamed and fell to her knees in uncontrollable sobs. Jamie, her best friend, was gone. He was gone forever and Jude would never see him again. It was her fault. It was all her fault. If she had chosen him, maybe she could've prevented it. The last time she had seen him was three months ago after her illegal concert. But she went to Tommy and hadn't even said a simple goodbye to Jamie.

Now, all of a sudden, he was taken from her. Jude's body shook as she cried. Nana put a comforting hand on her shoulder trying to calm her. "I have something for you dear," she whispered in Jude's ear. She went into the house and a minute later came back out. Jude still hadn't calmed down. "He left this for you."

Nana held out a small velvet box to Jude. Jude hesitantly took it and opened it. It was a simple gold band with her birthstone on it. There was a piece of paper taped to the top of the box. I ripped it off and opened it.

_Dear Jude,_

_I got this ring for you. It's a promise ring, to promise that I will always be there for you whenever you need me. No matter what Jude, you have always been there and I just want to say thank you. This is for you. It belongs to you. I love you more than anything Jude, and I'm glad you chose me._

_Love forever,_

_Jamie Andrews_

A sobbed escape Jude's throat as she cried again. He had thought she was going to choose him. He was going to give her a beautiful promise ring. She held the little box to her heart. It was true. All of it was true. Jamie Andrews, was dead.

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Okay, so that's what I have so far. I know what I want to do. I have scenes and everything now. All I need to do is get there. -lol- I'm taking a real risk putting this up, but I hope all of you will stay beside me!! PLEASE REVIEW! 


	2. No Rewinds, No Second Times

I have to give cresit to my brother Jake...AKA: Bubby!! I love you and thank you so much for your idea for my story!!

I finally kinda, sorta, in some werid twsited, demanted sorta way...know what i'm doing!! -lol- i have ideas in my head on what i want to do, but they're all scrambled right now. I'm just letting my fingers do the typing right now. This is going to be a little supernatural okaii!! again, bare with me!!

Disclaimer: Same as first chatper and will be the same...

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Chapter 2: No Rewinds, No Second Times

"Jude!" Sadie yelled through the door. She knocked on it furiously. She waited for an answer to come but I didn't reply back. I was completely silent. "Jude if you don't open this door I'm going to knock it down myself!"

I had been in my room for three days crying over the loss of Jamie Andrews. It wasn't fair. He didn't deserve to die! What made it worse was I hadn't even said goodbye to him before we left. I wasn't thinking about him at all. I was a horrible, horrible person! Jamie died! He died because of me! Tears filled my eyes again and my sobs became louder. I had messed up everything. Maybe if I had stayed here, he'd still be alive. Why didn't I give him a chance?

I clutched to the promise ring on the chain around my neck. It wasn't supposed to be this way. I wasn't even here for his funeral, and I never had a chance to say goodbye; to look at him one last time before he took his final breath. Everyone else was there. SME, Nana, and even Karma was there. But where was I? I was giggling with Tommy in Asia. I wasn't thinking about anyone but myself. Horrible! I was horrible!

Sadie knocked on the door louder this time. I put my hands over my ears as I cried. I heard some muffled voices outside my door. That's when I knew Sadie wasn't alone anymore. I went to the door quietly to listen in.

"Has she been out at all?" I heard Tommy's voice asked her in full concern.

"Only to go to the bathroom," Sadie informed him. "She hasn't eaten, and she hasn't slept. I wake up to her crying every single morning. I don't know what to do."

I heard another knock and it hurt my ears. I backed up from the door and sat into my bed again. "Jude?" Tommy's voice asked through the door. "Jude, sweetie, please open up. Let us talk to you."

I couldn't talk to anyone about his. No one would understand. They would all say that it's not my fault. That these things just happen, but I didn't want to hear it. I knew the truth. It was my fault Jamie was dead. I had lost my best friend forever. He was gone and never coming back. All of this was too real to grasp. My head refused to wrap around it. He must've died hating me, too. Who wouldn't hate me after what I had done to him? I left him high and dry with no explanation. He bought me a damn ring!

All this time, I was acting like I wanted to be with Jamie, and then at the last minute, left him. I did want to be with Jamie, and I loved him very much. No, I _love _him. He's not dead. Jamie can't be dead! No, no, he's not dead! I let out a small scream and fell to the floor crying again. "Jude!" Tommy shouted in fear. "Are you okay? Baby, please open up!" He pleaded to me.

I heard someone whisper my name. I looked around my room wondering who it was. It sounded like…it couldn't have been. "Jude," I heard him whisper again. It was, it was Jamie. I did a 360 around my room trying to find his face. All I heard was his voice though. I was listening so intently to his soft, precious voice that I didn't hear the lock being messed with.

"Jamie," I called in my room.

"Jude," Jamie whispered again.

Where was he? I could hear him. I knew he was there. I looked at my desk and was there next to my window. He looked so lost and scared. "Jamie," I gasped. "Oh, my god!"

I started to walk towards him. He put his hand up signaling me to stop where I was. The lock clicked open but I didn't move or turn around. "Save me," he whispered.

He disappeared and I ran after him. "Jamie, no!" I yelled trying to reach for him before he faded away. I felt two arms grab my waist as tears welled up in my eyes again. "No! Jamie, please, come back!"

"Shh, Jude, it's going to be ok," Tommy whispered in my ear. "It's going to be ok."

I turned around in his arms and cried into his chest. He kissed my temple and led me to the bed. He laid down and I laid with him, crying harder. He wrapped his arms around me and whispered sweet nothings in my ear trying to calm me down. I heard heels coming up the stair and then disappear onto the carpet in my room. "Here you go, Jude," Sadie said putting a mug on my nightstand. "It's hot tea. I need to get to work. Call me if you need anything at all." She kissed my forehead. "It'll be ok."

I opened my eyes when she left and saw myself crying into Tommy's chest and felt him kissing my head. I jumped off of him and my bed before he could even blink. "Tommy, I need to be left alone," I told him.

He looked so hurt. "But Ju-"he started.

"Just go, Tommy," I pleaded with my eyes. I couldn't stand being with him the way I was when Jamie died because of me; because of _us_. It wasn't fair to him.

Tommy got up sadly and nodded his head. He tried to kiss me but I turned my head slightly. He sighed and kissed my cheek. "I love you, okay?" He whispered in my ear. I nodded and tried to smile as he left. He closed my door quietly and looked around my room again.

I knew Jamie was here. I saw him. I started to call out his name frantically, hoping he would answer me back. Where did he go? I gave up and finally cried myself to sleep again.

"_Jude!" Jamie cried to me. _

_I looked around the dark street I was on. I couldn't see him. It was raining hard, and it was way too foggy. "Jamie, where are you!?" I shouted hoping he could hear me._

"_Jude, I need your help!" Jamie shouted. "Hurry up, please!"_

"_I'm coming Jamie!" I said as I started to jog down the road. The rain was hitting me like bullets on my skin. I could hardly see anything. All I knew was that I had to save Jamie. I had to help him. "Jamie, talk to me! Where are you!?"_

"_Over here!"_

_I squinted my eyes and saw him standing in the middle of the street. I started to run towards him until I saw a car coming his way. "Jamie, watch out!" I warned him. Suddenly, he was the person in the car. He looked so angry and sad. His eyes turned into fear as he swerved on the road and was about to hit me._

"Jamie!" I screamed and woke up out of breath. I looked around my dark room. I heard the rain against my window. I wiped my remaining tears off my face and held on to the ring again. I pulled my knees up and rested my head on top of them. "Jamie, why?" I whispered. "You know I can't do this alone."

"Exactly," I heard a voice. I looked up and it was Jamie. I gasped in surprise. His face was so serious. "And that's why I'm here to help you."

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Now here's a question for all of ya'll. Is that really Jamie's ghost, or is Jude seeing things?? Hmm, makes ya think doesn't it. Well, from your replies, I'll figure out which one it is..because i don't even know yet...-lol- SO PLEASE REVIEW!!!!


	3. Read Between the Lines

I noticed I'm doing short chapters, but that's okay. At least, I hope it is. I'm still trying to map out this story. Jommy fans, I...err..nvm. I don't like giving away anything, so you're just going to have to trust me okay? I'm giving you little spoilers for the next chapter at the end...so PLEASE REVIEW!!!

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Chapter 3: Read Between the Lines

I rubbed my eyes making sure that I was actually seeing Jamie in my bedroom staring at me. I couldn't believe it. I thought that I was going crazy. Of course, this could've been another dream, but something in my gut was telling me I was wide awake. After the shock, I jumped off my bed and went to go hug him. But as I took a step forward, he took a step back. I looked down at my feet feeling ashamed and embarrassed. "You hate me don't you?" I asked in a barely audible voice.

Jamie's head shot up in surprise. He shook his head. "Of course, I don't hate you Jude," he told me. I looked at him with tears falling down my cheeks. "I could never hate you."

I could see him walking towards me about to brush a tear off my cheek and the door opened. We both faced to see who was at the door. "Jude?" Sadie asked. "Who were you talking to?"

I opened my mouth to point to Jamie but he was gone. I blinked my eyes couple of times. It had to be a dream. I was only dreaming, and it was making it worst. I half convinced Sadie I was sleep walking and talking at the same time and she left me alone. The next morning, I finally had enough courage to go to Jamie's grave. At least, as much as I could muster up.

I went to Carson Hill Memorial Cemetery. I got out of my car and could see Jamie's tombstone from where I stood. I looked around once more, afraid of getting caught, even though I shouldn't have a reason to. I opened the gate slowly and finally stepped onto the grass. It was wet and soaking through my sneakers. I was wearing my regular jeans with my Nikes, a plain black T-shirt, and my SME black jacket. As I walked, I had to fight to keep going and not turn around. I need to go to his grave. I didn't want to, because I knew that the whole I had in my chest would just get bigger, but I had to. I could hear the slimy mud squish with each step I took.

Closer and closer I came, and I could read his name better. I closed my eyes briefly, willing myself to keep going. The weather today was perfect for matching my mood. It was cloudy, and it had just stopped raining a couple hours ago. It was very cold, and I could see my breath in front of me as I exhaled. The clouds above me were so dark, and I knew it was going to rain again. These were one of these days you felt like crying on. All in all, it was a depressing weather.

I stopped when I made it in front of his grave. I read the engraved letter on his tombstone as tears welled up in my eyes. I held onto the promise ring around my neck and held it close to the hole in my middle of my chest.

_James Harold Andrews_

_September 16, 1989-July 28, 2007_

_A loving friend, son, and grandson. May you always be with us in our memories. We love you._

I slipped a simple rose out of my pocket and bent down. I placed it on his grave with the other various flowers people have left behind. "Goodbye, Jamie Andrews," I whispered. "You will never be forgotten."

"Thank you," I heard a voice. I yelped and fell backwards. My but landed on the wet grass and I cringed. I looked up to see Jamie laughing at me. He was sitting on his tombstone.

I shook my head and stood up. I closed my eyes, hoping that when I opened them Jamie wouldn't be there. I gradually opened my eyes and he was still there smiling at me. "Nope," he said. "Still here."

"How?" I croaked out. "Why?"

"I'm here to help you, help me," he responded.

I shook my head again. This had to be a dream. I put my head down. "I can't help you, Jamie," I whispered.

His eyebrows furrowed. I heard another male voice call my name and I looked to see Tommy walking up to me. I turned around to face Jamie, but he wasn't there anymore. My eyes and mind were playing tricks on me again. "Hi," Tommy greeted and placed another flower next to Jamie's grave. "You know, me and Jamie weren't the best of friends, but he was a good kid. He didn't deserve this."

"I know," I agreed. "Why did I have to be so stupid?"

"Jude, you're not stupid," Tommy tried to convince. It wasn't working.

"Yes, I am. I was supposed to be here with him. I was supposed to stay with him. And what do I do? I go off with you in Thailand with _you_." I ranted. I saw Tommy's eyes come from shock, to hurt in two seconds. "It wasn't supposed to be this way. This is not how it ends! I made the biggest mistake of my life, picking you!"

Tommy's head went down a little bit, and I could see his eyes getting watery. But at that point, I didn't care. I was hurt, and if I hadn't of picked Tommy, Jamie might still be alive. "Jude, please," he begged. "Don't do this."

"I want to be left alone," I whispered to him and wrapped my arms around myself as I looked at Jamie's stone again.

"Jude," he started.

"Go! Leave me alone, Tommy!"

I closed my eyes willing the tears to not fall. I heard a car door close quietly and then a car speed off. I collapsed on the ground, not caring anymore about the wet grass, and cold mud sweeping through my jeans. I cried as I touched the engraved letterings with my fingertips. I traced his name over and over again. This was my proof that he was dead. I felt a presence with me. I looked around and saw Jamie standing behind me. "Hi," he smiled.

I looked him over. "Okay, I'm calling for psychiatric help," I said and started to walk towards the car.

"Jude, stop," Jamie demanded. I stopped in my tracks. "Look at me." I turned around slowly, holding my jacket closer to my body. "You're not dreaming, and you're not crazy."

"I'm talking to a ghost and you say that I'm not crazy?" I asked him. "I have to go."

"What can I do to convince you?" he asked.

"Nothing," I said as tears came into my eyes. "You're dead. And when people are dead they don't come back. Especially, to the people who caused their death."

"You caused my death?" He asked.

"Of course I did. Don't act like you don't remember." Jamie's head hung down briefly and then he looked into my eyes sadly. "You don't remember?"

"That's why I need you're help." I looked at him curiously. "I don't remember how I died or why. I need you to help me."

"Let me guess, when I help you, you'll be satisfied. Then you're soul will be able to rest in peace and you get to go to heaven and be happy for the rest of you're life."

"Basically," he said quietly.

I scoffed. "Yea, right. Jamie you're dead. That's it. There's no such thing as ghosts, or spirits, or heaven. This is just a really bad dream, which I'm going to wake up from, and find out that you're not here anymore. So, why bother?"

"Because you love me." I looked at him shocked. I opened my mouth to say something, but couldn't find any words. "Speaking of love, I'm going to go. I suggest you talk to Tommy."

"I can't," I said to him. "He won't understand."

"You can't push him away, Jude. Talk to him."

I nodded my head and looked down at my feet. I lifted my eyes and Jamie wasn't there anymore. I shook my head and walked back to my car. I could feel my jeans sticking to me but I didn't care. I was picking up a debate with myself. Was that really Jamie, or was I just going crazy? All I knew is that Jamie was right. I had to talk to Tommy.

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**Sneak Peek-Chapter 3:**

_"Tommy, please, you have to believe me," I pleaded._

_He looked at me surprised. "Jude you're telling me your seeing ghosts. How do you expect me to believe you?"_

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_"How can I help you? I wasn't even here for your funeral," I said as tears fell down my face. "I gave you up, and I shouldn't have. I don't even deserve you're forgiveness."_


	4. Hiatus

**My beautiful reviewers. **

**I am so sorry for this, but I am putting all of my stories on a hiatus. I'm dealing with things right now. My brother Rob died last month and it's hitting me hard this summer. Then there's more things coming in and I have no one's hand to hold right now. I mite still be writing...but idk. It really depends on my emotions. It's been really hard on me this summer and I've been trying to update my stories but I get too distracted with everything else. So, I'm really sorry. **

**I hope that you don't hate me or anything. I just can't really do much right now. I can hardly do my online class right now. So, please, just pray for me and Rob and hopefully this hiatus won't be too long. I have never put any of my stories on a hiatus ever!! This is so different for me. I had four of my friends die this year and yet still going. But this is different...this was my brother...(keep in mind it's not actually my blood brother. i've known him since i was 5 and always referred to him as my brother). So please, pray for Rob's mom and me, and hopefully this will be a very short hiatus! Thanks for ur wonderful reviews and ur support!!**

**Lydia**


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